How We Become Fragmented: The Rise of Our ECHOs

Every human on the planet has a deep yearning for love, connection and safety. When we’re faced with abuse or neglect as children, especially from those that we love, the need to escape arises. We need to psychologically distance ourselves to avoid becoming overwhelmed by our experiences. Desperately trying to maintain some attachment to our family, aspects of our self-esteem, we disconnect from that experience and we disown that part of our self. We strive instead to be “good”, to be acceptable and loveable. We yearn for safety and acknowledgement that we’re ok. Fisher (2017) puts it well when she states, “abused children capitalize on the human brain’s innate capacity to split or compartmentalize.” As good children we display sweet, mature and perfectionistic tendencies that become our gateway to acceptance. The rejected, disowned part of us however is kept locked up out of sight. Whilst it remains denied, disconnected and quite often beneath conscious awareness, on some level it lives on. The trauma is still very much alive. And when these parts can no longer remain hidden, they manifest in different forms. We manage to survive the neglect and abuse, but at the cost of disowning the most vulnerable part of our self.


A Part of Us Develops Normally Whilst Another Part Hides Away


Perhaps the most confusing aspect for many of us  is that the “good” part within us develops somewhat “normally,” learning skills, going to schools, engaging in activities that we enjoy; and yet on some level, we have parts within us that hold the traumas that we have experienced. This can quite often be confusing for people because they can’t understand how part of them functions normally, and yet there are parts of them with which they struggle.


These Fragmented Parts are Called ECHOs


In matrix Re-imprinting, we call these fragmented parts of ourselves “ECHOs” (Energetic Conscious Holograms). The ECHO is the part of us that holds and replays the trauma within our subconscious. It holds all the information about what happened to us in the moment the trauma occurred; for example, a change in our breathing, what we were wearing, eating, and what was happening in our environment. Each of the factors recorded become our triggers, and each time we encounter them in the present moment, our body responds in a way to protect us, which can quite often be a fight, flight or a freeze response.


The key to healing our fragmented parts – our ECHOs, is to no longer deny or disconnect from them, but rather to gently nurture these parts of us and to work the trauma through to resolution. Every part of us is yearning to be heard, to be loved to be secure and to be connected, and Matrix Re-imprinting holds the key to resolution.

About Suicide...

***Trigger Warning – Post About Suicide***


I have spent countless hours sitting with people, listening to them and exploring why they feel the way that they do. I have worked with people who have both thought about suicide and attempted suicide. For some, it’s a mild ideation -a distant possibility, and yet for others it is an obsessive thought. The truth is, we may never know exactly why someone chooses to end their life because personal circumstances and reasons are varying, and there may be various contributing factors. But here is what I do know:


  1. Suicide isn’t about wanting to die, it’s about ending the suffering, it’s about not being able to bear living. Think about that for a minute. Think about what must be happening inside of that person’s psyche to be considering ending their lives. Try not to look at it from your perspective but try to see it from theirs. Each time we judge suicide as being a cowardly act, we close the doors on compassionate listening. We re-affirm to those who are already suffering- who may be considering the act of taking their lives, one more way in which they are inadequate. Generally speaking, when someone comes into clinic wanting to talk about their suicidal thoughts, they want to be heard without judgment or criticism. They want someone to acknowledge and respect them. They don’t want to be lectured or judged or told that it will pass.
  2. Suicidal people often have conflicting thoughts/voices, one which speaks of self-hatred and other is the voice of reason. One will provide all the reasons for wanting to end life, and the other will give reason for continuing to fight. Clients have on occasion described the thoughts of wanting to commit suicide as being all-consuming; and when this happens it becomes difficult to reach out for help.
  3. Whilst we are not responsible for another’s actions, we are responsible for our own and how we treat others. Our actions and words matter. Listening to someone, showing that you care, trying to be non-judgmental and gently pointing them towards professional help counts. Furthermore, looking within yourself at your own judgments and beliefs matters immensely.


Ultimately, every one of us inherently wants to survive, to live, to experience, to grow, to be heard, to love and to be loved; but when we don’t address our pain and take the time to understand who are and how we function, we struggle. In the famous words of Sigmund Freud, “unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth in uglier ways.” If we are to cultivate compassion and kindness within both our self and for others, we must first educate ourselves about ourselves.